Asperger's
Growing up, I had unexpected difficulties. This sometimes drew implications of my laziness, selfishness and ill-disciplined feebleness.
My introversion, inordinate fears, and difficulty in grasping certain social and logical concepts seem, I learned in adulthood, to have been induced by my being on the autistic spectrum, anxiety, and perhaps in some cases, a combination thereof.
Obesity
At Christmas 2005, lie-in induced lack of sunshine reduced my appetite. I briefly stopped counting calories, and gained a few pounds. Even slight calorific excess, it seems, may gain weight.
Around my late adolescence, I saw a newspaper article to the effect that some brains don't process pleasurable sensation as closely as most, so feel a need to eat more. This sounds very much like me. In addition to my sessions with Tim, I spoke with a psychologist, who told me this is sometimes characteristic of the autistic spectrum.
Aged eighteen, I learned that to lose weight, I needed to eat significantly less. To do that, I needed to measure precisely what I was eating. Some nights, I forced myself to go hungry - I'm in no position to advise how safe this was.
Obesity is often assumed to be caused by lazy disinclination to exercise and to ill-disciplined predisposition to excessive consumption of fattening foods. There follows an assumption that if the obese would stop wolfing down donuts and took up jogging, their weight would vanish.
Not so, I say.
The trouble with a large appetite is that you don't know it's too large - that you're "giving in" to anything - until it's too late. By which point simply resolving to "eat less" simply isn't enough.
Rob Grant's Fat (2006) notes that epidemiology standards have lowered to a point where it's possible to "prove" that just about anything can cause just about anything else. Save for extreme cases, the scaremongering around obesity seems based on dubious science.
The Supernatural
In some recorded and broadcast genetically unrelated faces, I believe myself to sense kinship. My view is that some people - perhaps all people - are related independently of genetic connection.
Do genes, in their worldwide formation, deliberately align?
Are genes driven by a will independent of matter? And if an indication of this will manifests in recordings, does that mean such media retain a fragment of the ethereal will? Does human, or indeed any sentience, project itself indefinitely through light and sound? Since I've also seen what appear to be, respectively, aeroplanes and stars to act in unaccountable ways, perhaps whatever extrasensory orientation I have is drawn to light sources.
I suppose some people are genetically tilted, in various ways, to more clearly sense beyond the limitations of matter, and that I've inherited this in a rather unusual way.
He's a nutter.
It feels naively understated to observe that, to many, my claims will seem absurdly fantastic.I'm either making all this up or fooling myself. Of course, since what I claim is something only I, apparently, can sense, the idea that I can prove it is farcical.
But what if transgenic kinship is real?
Might the ethereal will that forms the human face have more secrets to reveal? If such insight grows, might we see more deeply into each other - and our world? Recent technology allows instant, worldwide access to the appearance and sound of people far away and long dead. Could its emergence have been a new stage in human evolution?
At the very least, I've offered an idea - and that, I suppose, is the writer's job.
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